i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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