u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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