she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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