So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize