What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
