I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize