I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
