I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
