you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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