Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
