I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I deserve this hangover.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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