I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
