you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
