Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
