He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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