he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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