Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
