The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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