As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
