You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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