She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
