I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
