Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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