I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize