I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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