Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
