I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
