There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
