A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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