I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
