I need to stop coming to work sober
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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