I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
