if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize