There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
