he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
