Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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