I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
