a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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