:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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