READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
