in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
