I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
