You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize