brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
