You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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