Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
