so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
