Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize