Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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