okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
