so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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