I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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