that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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