I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
