So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
