just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize