I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize