Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
