saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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