He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize