i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
