He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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