I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
