My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
