Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
