scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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