the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
