I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
